Last week we looked at first impressions, this week I want to look at 7 common pitfalls that could be affecting your dating success. Small changes can make all the difference.
- Disclosing too much information No matter how comfortable you are with someone and no matter how much you want someone to accept you as you are – do not disclose too much information too soon. Keep a first date light hearted and fun. Get to know the positive side of each other, there is plenty of time to talk about your history, challenges and the deep stuff down the track. Remember dating when you were young it was simply fun you weren’t so obsessed with someone who met all your supposed requirements! The problem with too much information too soon is people need to know you and like first or too much information will just put them off or give them a reason to rule you out. Singles in 2017 are more judgemental than ever before and I know so many cases were something insignificant has put them off. Singles are all looking for someone who fits into their life so will look at what is said in a conversation to see if someone is a good fit. It is weird the insignificant things that put people off and the things that people rule others out on are not always the best indicator of whether they were a good fit or not. The thing to note is stop being so quickly judgemental as well as don’t reveal too much too soon. I will give you a couple of real life examples to illustrate this point.In a conversation the girl has said she hates Bali, so the guy rules her out as he goes to Bali once a year. He makes the decision she will not be a good fit as she won’t want to go with him or may prevent him going. This judgement is made on one comment. The truth is he might have been able to show her a side of Bali she loved or she could introduce him to new experiences or it was a simply a flippant comment.In a conversation the person is negative about one issue, the other person has been with someone who was constantly negative and disapproving so rules them out on the one comment.
Both men and women are guilty of oversharing, however, it is more common for woman to do than men. Women want to be accepted as they are so they can share their worst bit of information to see if you will accept them. Whereas men often don’t show who they really are for around 3 months.
- Saying on a date that you haven’t had much luck dating
Ok you may have been online dating for 6 months, not had any luck and only gone on horror dates but keep this to yourself! Why because singles will think if no-one else wanted you, why would they! Put simply, it is off putting. Everyone is looking for someone special, someone who is high value, someone they can introduce to their friends and be proud of. Whether you like it or not, it is how we are made. I am not saying you can’t have a laugh about your dating experiences but be aware of how that comes across as there is a difference between funny and looking undateable. The other risk you run is by appearing so fussy that no-one is good enough for you. If you have been constantly dating with no luck it will make you appear high maintenance. So seriously watch what you say in this space.
- Being too keen too quickly
Yes you may be excited that you have finally met someone but keep your cool. It can come across as desperate or that anyone will do. It can give the impression that anyone would be good enough and let’s face it you want to feel special. This all comes back to the high value concept. As much as everyone says they want someone who doesn’t play games, there is a certain level of push and pull and uncertainty in building attraction.Guys I know and understand when you meet a girl you really like it is hard not to get excited but what happens is women will not always trust someone who is too keen too soon (anyone the high value concept). Guys I am sure you have been in a position where girl has done this to you and it has totally put you off. Ladies if you have been dating and finally meet a good guy don’t give too much too soon, believe it or not men like to be successful making you happy. Give them a chance to do this.
- Masculine and Feminine Energy
I talk about this one a lot as it is important and it affects dating. Basically we all have a mix of masculine and feminine within us and what happens is polar opposites attract. To describe how this works think of a magnet. If you try to push together 2 north poles or 2 south poles it doesn’t work, they actually repel each other. Whereas the opposite poles attract, this is called polarity and is essential to make sure passion lasts. For two people to create and maintain attraction, there needs to be a delicate balance between masculine energy on one end and feminine energy on the other.So if you are a very masculine woman you will attract a more feminine man and visa versa. Shifting and playing with the energy you are coming from will change your dating results. Ladies if you want a strong man, the it is time to embrace your feminine side. Men to get the feminine woman you are looking for it is time to ‘man’ up. Masculine energy is all about action, giving, decision- making, and problem solving. Masculine energy is action and assertiveness. Feminine energy is more about being, feeling, receiving, vulnerability, and openness. Feminine energy is more about being in the moment instead of doing.
- Being too nice
Ok this may sound a little strange but it matters. As mentioned earlier everyone wants someone who will fit into their life and when someone appears ‘too’ nice it can be hard to picture them in your life. My advice to singles is to be comfortable in their own skin and be authentically them. Often when people appear nice it is about making a good impression it is not always totally who they are if you get what I mean. Remember earlier I mentioned that guys take 3 months to show you who they are. Often when you think someone is ‘too nice’ it often isn’t the case. Personally I remember meeting a girl who was so sickly nice that it appeared butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth and I really couldn’t warm to her. Not sure why that was, maybe it was that she just wasn’t being herself and I didn’t like that. We are now great friends, when I got to know her she was normal and as much as she is a lovely person she is not the sickly sweet person that her first impression gave. I know that does happen with singles as well. When someone is so busy trying to get people to like them, they are not showing their real self. Another example is when a guy meets a girl with her girlfriends and the friends say you better not hurt her cos she is a nice girl. This is so off putting to a guy. Genuine people do not want to feel that much power early on. This is especially true with the ‘nice’ guy – woman are looking for the strong guy they can count on and do not want to feel they have the power to ‘hurt’ him. This is related to the one above – women are attracted to the masculine guy and the nice guy is often a people pleaser or just doesn’t appear strong enough. I continually hear women say they want a guy will a little bit of an edge.
- Give People a Chance
Everyone is so worried about ‘wasting’ people’s time that they don’t give them a fair go or even a go! Don’t focus so much on seeing if they are your perfect person, rather enjoy meeting and connecting with people. Get to know them, enjoy their company, build up a friendship, talk about what you are passionate about. The thing is they could end up being someone who is perfect for you and if they are not you will have a new friend. New friends also have the possibly of introducing you to other people – dating is always a numbers game and let’s face it you only need to meet one!
- Expectations are the Root of all Evil!
In dating there are way too many expectations that lead to people feeling crap. In the situation above where you give someone a chance it is also a good idea not to expect too much. Rather enjoy the moment it will change everything.