During my five week internet dating trial I got a good idea of what people should and shouldn’t do on a first date. I do admit I have been guilty of doing some of these myself.
It was eye opening when it happened to me and made me consider the first impression I give people. It also showed me how easily it could be to put someone off, who may actually have been perfect for you.
Here are 15 things not to do on your first date, I am sure you could come up with many more!
- Do not spend the whole date talking and not allow the other person to talk. This often happens when you are nervous, but learn to ask the person questions and have a ‘mutual’ conversation.
- Talking about an ex on your first date. This is harder the older we get as it does form part of ‘our story’. But it isn’t first date conversation. Saying you are not over an ex is a massive red flag. Please note if you are not over your ex DO NOT start dating. It isn’t fair to the people who you date or yourself.
- Being overly sleazy and suggestive on a first date, it indicates you are after only one thing.
- How you dress. I met a guy for a first date and he was wearing Velcro thongs to a nice venue. This instantly put me off. Dress well and make a good impression. If you are not sure what to wear ask a friend of the opposite sex. If you are a woman beware of showing too much skin and giving the wrong impression. Also don’t wear too much make-up. Remember to smell good, look good and smile!
- Being rude to the waiter/waitress is off putting and in my opinion another red flag.
- Being late with no valid reason.
- Giving too much information. I am often guilty of this one! A date is meant to be fun and not an interview. Stay away from asking questions about exes or asking deep questions. If you are asked about your ex respond politely with – things didn’t work out. Remember just because you are asked a question, doesn’t mean you have to tell everything!
- Trying to make a good impression can make you come across as stiff, anxious or boring. Make sure the conversation is fun instead of tense and boring.
- Stay away from standard first date questions like ‘How do you think the date is going’, ‘Do you like me’ and ‘Can I see you again’ – these questions come across as desperate/needy.
- I was put off when the guy asked to see me again at the end of the date as it put me in an uncomfortable position. Also if you like someone on the first date don’t say you are taking yourself off online dating. This comes across as too keen and way too quick. It can scare people away.
- Talking about your past dating experiences in depth. Either the lack of them or the fact that you have dated lots of people. Both can give the impression nobody wants you! Too many dates can give the impression you are too easy or too fussy. Remember there is plenty of time to discuss this but generally guys don’t want to hear or imagine you being with anyone else.
- Being indecisive on a date. Guys if you ask a girl out, come up with a plan. Women love a guy who knows what he wants and is in control.
- Beware of being cheap on a first date – this is off putting. There is no need to go to the most expensive place but there is also no need to be penny pinching. It isn’t attractive.
- Being too keen after the first date. Create a little uncertainty, this one can be a hard call if you really like the person.
- Finally take your time when dating, as I mentioned before it should be a fun experience. Really getting to know a person takes time and there is no need to share everything about yourself in one date. Women often fall into the trap of quickly showing who they really are – thinking that if a guy likes them it will be okay. Whereas, guys take longer to show who they really are – sometimes up to 3 months. One example of sharing too much information is a lady who came speed dating and told every guy she met that she had, had a mastectomy. She wanted to be upfront and honest. However, the first five minutes you meet someone is not the time to share this sort of information. Most guys would instantly say no, whereas if they had got to know this lady over a period of time it would have been another story. So my advice is let people know and like you first, before sharing every fault you have. It is way easier to accept flaws in people we like/love.
Happy dating xx