The older we get, the more baggage we acquire! Have you ever thought you have dealt with your baggage, then started to date a new person and it raises it’s ugly head?
All of your bad dating/relationship experiences and hurts start to effect you and also effect how you act with a new person.
Why does this happen? Well, it seems to trigger memories of events/experiences that develop in our mind as fear that what happened in the past will happen again. You may have thought a past relationship would work and you had no control when it didn’t. As a result, you then want to control new relationships to make sure you avoid the pain you experienced in your past.
If you have a fear of being hurt, your deepest desire may be to be safe. If you associate love with pain, no matter how hard you try, safety will win out over any chance of a relationship. Why? Because your subconscious mind sees love as ‘dangerous’ and the unconscious mind is making sure it protects and moves you away from pain to safety!
Now you don’t need to clear, heal or remove these unconscious beliefs. If you do that, you will just be focussing on the past, making yourself wrong and giving focus/energy to what you don’t want. You also build walls around your heart. So what do you do? You outgrow and replace the negative belief with a new belief.
It is not a magic solution, you just need to look at your results and then the actions that gave you the result. Your actions show what you believe in. Notice where you are resisting and that will show you and point out the fear that is keeping you from love. Resistance exists when you are going into a new area.
How much you want love/relationship depends on how you deal with the resistance. If you keep making excuses or back off, then fear is bigger than your belief that you want love. So you need to feel the resistance and step outside of your comfort zone; take actions that move you from where you are safe (comfort zone). Make a commitment to change your life and stop going for the person who doesn’t treat you well. Take positive action – try getting out and meeting new people, try speed dating or internet dating. This action will start changing your ‘deepest desire’ from keeping you single and safe to letting you have a relationship and ultimately find love. You need to push through your resistance.
It can be all too easy to stay where you are safe and comfortable, to focus on what you can’t do, to blame others and make excuses. But this isn’t YOU!
As you break free of the resistance you will start to see that memories of past hurts are just that, memories! You will see ‘that was then, this is now’. As you change your mindset, you will change the way you experience the world. You will know that your life can be different as you have chosen to break free of your baggage and focus on your positive future.
To show you are committed to love, you should:
- Make sure you don’t accept failure as an option.
- Be positive, speak about a relationship with expectation and certainty.
- Understand yourself, so you can be the best version of you.
- Put yourself out there, open to finding the one, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Remember to find out how committed you are to finding love – look at your actions in the previous week. Are your actions and thoughts moving towards or away from love.
Finally, remember your past does not predict your future and you can experience and enjoy the love you are looking for.