How do you know if your relationship will last? How can you tell if the person you have met and who you are dating is a good fit?
It is essential to know and it is an interesting fact that research found many people who have divorced realised before or soon after they married that they were not a good fit.
Problem is that is already too late!
So how do you know if your relationship will work?
A recent study has the answer! The Prince of Wales’s divorce lawyer has endorsed a study that identifies ten questions you should ask your lover to ensure a lasting relationship. Baroness Shackleton of Belgravia has given her backing to the University of Exeter project, which looked at the foundations of strong romantic relationships. The study used evidence from couples, as well family lawyers, mediators and judges.
Four Reasons Relationships Breakdown
The study found the four common reasons for relationship breakdowns:
- Incompatibility – who you choose matters!
- Unrealistic expectations.
- Failure to deal with issues.
- Failure to nurture the relationship.
The study found that the best marriages were built on friendship, respect, realistic expectations, shared interests and humour, and devised ten critical questions to ask your partner to make your marriage thrive.
The 10 Questions You Should Ask:
- Are we a ‘good fit’? You can have amazing chemistry with someone and not be a good fit. A good fit requires shared goals and values as well as coming from a basis of liking who the person is. Chemistry is often responsible for enabling you to overlook the facts that you just don’t fit and have nothing in common long term.
- Do we have a strong basis of friendship? Again it is all too easy to go on chemistry alone and you can have insane chemistry with someone you don’t like. Through life you will experience many bumps in the road – there will be deaths of people close to you, issues with children, work, family, etc. Having a strong friendship base will help you through it all. To have a successful relationship you have to like who the person is!
- Do we want the same things? This goes beyond what you like, for relationship success, it is important to have the same values and goals. Remember expectations are the root of all heartache, so it is important to also have aligned dreams and expectations of each other.
- Are our expectations realistic? Successful couples have realistic expectations in their relationship. They understand it will not always be perfect and issues in any relationship are normal and natural as absolutely no-one is perfect.
- Do we generally see the best in each other? Compassion for each other is the key to a good relationship. Remember everyone has times where they are not perfect so it is essential to have the ability to see the best in each other and be able to make allowances.
- Do we both work at keeping our relationship vibrant? What you do each day matters. Daily rituals and small regular acts of thoughtfulness that show meaningful appreciation to the other person.
- Do we feel we can discuss things and raise issues with each other? Making time to talk about your day, or deeper feelings is key to a great relationship as it builds intimacy.
- Are we both committed to working through hard times? Being able to adapt to change is essential. Life is never all ‘plain sailing’. Being able to work together in hard times will strengthen the relationship.
- Would we pull together to get through stressful times? Good relationship skills are essential. Researchers found that how people cope with life pressures such as bereavement, an affair, financial difficulties or becoming a parent, particularly when the couple had different parenting styles, is key and requires good relationship skills.
- Do we each have supportive people around us? Research has found that having close; supportive networks of family and friends make the lives of couples better.