Have you ever wondered what women want?
The answer is women want a masculine guy, in fact they love a masculine guy!
Because a masculine man makes a woman feel safe and protected and this is why woman subconsciously look for the strong masculine guy. It is also why women often end up dating players because they appear strong and in control.
Whether they admit or not most women love men who take the lead in a relationship.
As a dating coach I talk to many men and I know their number one fear is rejection and I understand that this makes approaching women difficult. Guys, I can tell you women do not understand this and often perceive this as weakness. Weak men do not make women feel safe and remember they are subconsciously looking for this! They will literally be thinking, “how can you take care of me if you are too scared to even approach me?”
Guys if you want to be successful with women it is time to embrace your masculine side and understand what that means.
Masculine traits are: Achievement, competing, control, thinking logically, success in victory, the desire to dominate. Basically it means that you are bold, assertive and confident.
Most guys learn how to be a man through the men around them. If you weren’t lucky enough to have great role models and experiences that showed you what it was to be masculine it is never too late. The good thing about masculinity is it is not something you are born with, it can be learnt.
Look at some examples of masculine guys to give you an idea. To picture what masculine is, think of men who are masculine like James Bond, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, John Claude Van Damn. Etc.
Masculinity is strength, assertiveness and action. These are all characteristics that can be developed and created in your life.
In any other area of your life like your job, you will learn the skills you need, and this is no different.
Let’s Look at What a Masculine Man Is
A masculine man is confident. You seriously don’t have to be the best looking guy to be successful with women but you do have to be confident. I see evidence of this at every speed dating event – women always chose confident men. Basically confidence is facing fear head on and risk taking, this type of confidence is not pretentious, it just is. It is an area you can improve on with practice.
The dictionary definition of confidence is:
‘belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.’
- ASSERTIVE/ NOT CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK
A masculine guy is assertive. To be masculine you need to know what you want in the big picture and also with the small stuff. Get rid of what you are told to be and connect with your heart, get in touch with the original, unique man you were meant to be. Live life on your terms and not on what everyone else wants you to do. Work out what your purpose in life is and pursue it. So often men have no idea what they want in life, where they want to go or what they like. Take the time to find out exactly what yours is. Women feel safe with a man who has a purpose; therefore they find this attractive and let me tell you, it is never attractive if the woman is your only purpose.
Being assertive doesn’t just happen, you need to practice to be good at it! By practicing you WILL improve in this area. It is a learnt action and not an innate skill. Practice everywhere you go; at work, at home, at the café, at the pub. Start off simply with the small things like knowing what you want to eat and drink. Then practice with the bigger things in life. Do this daily and you will find it easier and easier. You will then find yourself showing up this way in every area of your life knowing what you want and doing it.
Not being assertive comes back to a fear of rejection. You feel that if you speak up for yourself and say exactly how you feel and what you want, you will be rejected. But it is time to get your self-esteem from within, instead of from the approval of others. Of course everyone likes to be liked and but that is a bad thing when it’s your only way of feeling good about yourself. It is time to realise when you set limits and go for what you want, you will be seen as confident, so why wouldn’t you want this for yourself?
Being masculine is not caring what others think. Basically you know what you want and don’t care what others think. Again this is a skill that can be learnt by being true to yourself and what you want. It is time to stop being a people pleaser.
- BE BOLD
Be bold! Boldness is masculine and is what is needed to be brave. Timid, scared guys finish last and don’t’ get the girl. Being bold is about taking action. So practice setting goals and taking action. You can start off with small goals and meet them. This will help you gain confidence and trust in your abilities. You will see that you can achieve what you set your mind to. Practise being courageous in your actions and decisions, instead of over thinking and holding back move forward and take action. You can be a good guy but if you don’t do what you say you are going to do and don’t go where you know you should be going, it is useless being good. A masculine guy knows what he wants, is bold and takes action.
- BEING AUTHENTIC
Developing confidence and being authentically you is the key. A real man is someone others want to be like; it is not copying someone else. A real man is just himself. So many people are ‘trying’ to be unique or ‘find’ themselves that they end up being weird. This is trying rather than being. They are trying so hard to be the opposite of ‘normal’ to be unique. Instead of this you need to be true to you, rather than influenced by others.
You don’t find yourself, rather you create yourself. Trying defeats the journey and purpose.
- BEING IN CONTROL
Being masculine is about being in control. You need to be in control of your emotions and your body. With this in mind, it’s time to get fit, get physical and take the best care of yourself. Dress masculine and get your body in order.
- BODY LANGUAGE
The next thing that is so important in how you are perceived is your body language. Body language is important, as it will show your confidence. The key to confident body language is to stand up straight with good posture, make eye contact (without creepily staring), have open body language, and don’t fidget or play with your hands.
Amy Cuddy is a social psychologist and professor at Harvard. Amy conducted studies that found that your brain changes what it believes with the use of positive powerful body language. It also found that powerful body language increases testosterone levels. Amy Cuddy’s research on body language found you can change other people’s perceptions, and perhaps even your own body chemistry, simply by changing body positions. This is great news and something within your control. To find out more watch Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk video on body language. Here is the link:https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_
Ok so I will break down what we have said in dot points to make it easier for you:
- Masculinity is not something you are born with. It is a learnt skill.
- Masculinity is a journey.
- Masculinity is being bold, assertive and confident. These are all skills that can be learnt.
- Be the unique, authentic guy you were meant to be.
- Being masculine means knowing what to do or at least making it look that way.
- Be the person YOU want to be. Masculinity is the confidence to be honest, without letting the fear of judgement hold you back.
- Stop apologising and accept compliments.
- Let go of caring what other people think of you.
- Ask for what you want.
- Speak your mind. If you have something constructive and useful to say, then say it.
- Don’t overthink, at least not out loud.
- Face your everyday fears, take risks and push yourself to do something difficult.
- Be tough, let things go without looking for sympathy.
- Be independent and take responsibility for yourself.
- Set goals and achieve them. A great way to grow confidence in yourself is to set a goal every day and achieve it. This will increase your confidence in your ability to do what you say you will.
- Regular exercise increases confidence.
- Own your own emotions and don’t be controlled by them.
- Take the lead. Especially in dating where you should have a plan for the date. Women especially like a man who is in control and who has a plan.
As I have mentioned before, everyone has a mix of masculine and feminine and you will go between the two depending on the situation you are faced with.
Your masculinity will shift in style and forcefulness depending on the context and that’s fine. Everything does not have to be a manly competition. Never let the fear of judgement stop you from having the confidence to be honest. And remember, It is ok to embrace your feminine side from time to time.
For a guy to come from his masculine energy he needs to be able to produce enough testosterone. Steady production of testosterone is linked to a man’s well-being.
External stress will reduce testosterone. Symptoms of low testosterone are:
- Low Motivation
- Rigidity or stubbornness
- Resistance to change
- Low sex drive
So let’s look at simple ways to build up your testosterone and get in touch with your masculine side:
- Time alone, commonly referred to as cave time. Men need time alone to think and deal with the stress. Women do this by talking, but men do this by being alone and withdrawing.
- Exercise/Sport, physical activity.
- Driving a car.
- Making decisions.
- Effort and hard work.
- Solving problems (rather than complaining).
- Working on projects.
- Being efficient.
- Making a difference.
- Sacrificing for a good cause.
- Learning and developing new skills.
- Making money.
- Taking risks.
- Facing challenges with confidence.
- Physical intimacy.
- Joking or making light of problems with other men.
- Prayer, meditation, silence.