Busting the Chemistry Myth

By 31 July, 2016 Blog
advice for women

Do you believe when you meet ‘the one’ that you will just know they are the right person because you will feel amazing chemistry.

I want to tell you this is a MYTH and I want to bust it!

If you talk to many people who are with their ‘soulmate’ they will tell you that they had no idea when they met that the person was ‘the one’.

Women particularly need more time than one meeting – I recommend 3 dates to know.

In this superficial world of dating this myth will actually prevent you from meeting ‘the one’.

People believe chemistry is the best way to find the right person but I want to tell you that chemistry is not the best indicator!

Don’t get me wrong chemistry is important but it is only 1 of 4 critical things you need to have. The other critical things you need are compatibility, communication and a shared vision for the future. You can have amazing chemistry but without the other qualities you won’t get a lasting connection.

I want to talk a little bit about where chemistry can come from.  The thing is as people we seek the familiar. We sleep on the same side of the bed, brush our teeth the same way, sit in the same seat, eat the same things, drive the same way to work, etc. This works against us in relationships. Our first experience of love was growing up at home – whether this was good or bad it was our view of love. Home is still home and home = love.

Our subconscious mind sees people who remind us of this and we are drawn to them. It is what we know and feel comfortable with. It doesn’t mean it will make you happy, it just means you are drawn to people who will treat you the same as you experienced growing up. If you had a bad childhood this can be a recipe for disaster. For example you may have had a critical parent so you are attracted to people who criticize you.

To change this you need to first be aware of what you are doing. Awareness is the greatest agent for change – Eckhart Tolle.

Then you need to identify what you really want in a relationship – be clear about what you do and don’t want.

This means knowing your deep values, your vision of how you want a relationship to look like and feel. Remember the Law of Attraction is working all the time and can either lead to good or disaster depending on what you are putting out there. So get that vision of what you want clear and don’t leave it to chance or to chemistry!

Look back on your previous relationships to see what your patterns are.

Tensions in relationships are caused when you aren’t clear about want you want.

I will give you 2 examples –

  1. If one person loves to socialise and live in the city and the other person would prefer not to socialise and live in a remote location.
  2. Or if one person wants to live in a mansion and have a 5 star lifestyle and the other prefers a minimalist lifestyle.

No matter how much chemistry you have, these differences can end up killing the relationship in the one run.

So it is time to be clear about your must haves and your dealbreakers.

Picture it like choosing the house you want to live in and decorating it. You get to choose your love life just the same way!

So you need to:

  1. Have a clear vision of the relationship you want – build this on how you want to FEEL not a list of physical qualities. Understand what you need to make you happy. Clarity is the key.
  2. Let go of your old stories – especially your old love stories. It is time to believe love is possible for you regardless of your age, stage or income. Believe AWESOME singles are out there. Remember life really can be richer and fuller with the right partner.
  3. It is really important to love yourself. To set boundaries, to take care of yourself and trust yourself. When you do this you actually become magnetic. Loving yourself will raise your vibration and attract the person you are looking for. You will be magnetic to love.
  4. Lose the myth that love will find you. I want to ask you if you you would expect the perfect job, house or car to find you? No! You put in place a strategy to achieve all of these. The same applies to finding love – you need to work through your stuff, create a vision and leave your house to meet someone!

This subject matter may be a little intense for an article. For specific targeted help to get clarity and the relationship of your dreams I offer coaching to enable you to loose your old stories.

Deb x



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