Every guy I know wants to be successful with women and they all tell me that rejection is their biggest fear. As a woman this is hard for me to fully understand as I am not in that position. Although since I started Dare2Date I have gained an appreciation of how it feels to approach singles. I can often be found in venues across Perth approaching groups of single men and women to tell them about speed dating and Dare2Date. To be honest it is easier to approach a group of single men and ask if they are single than a group of single women. The men love being asked this question as women rarely approach them. But the women, especially when they are in groups, are intimidating and can be judgemental. Now I started Dare2Date from scratch and it is my business so I could take the rejection personally and it doesn’t always feel nice. But I have overcome my fear of talking to strangers and know that I will be successful sometimes and not others. But I always have a great conversation and a laugh!
So back to the point – do you want to improve your success rate? Well here are some tips to help you do that. None of these are instant solutions but they are things that you can work on and that will change your life!
- Get Over Your Fears – Get rid of fear! You have to get over your fear to be successful with women – simple! Billions of people before you have suffered fear and not just survived but came out stronger. NEVER GIVE UP. The consequences of not overcoming your fear are worse than facing your fears and taking action. We all feel fear but what you need to do is feel the fear and take action anyway.
- Be a Man – This doesn’t mean being a cave man or a sleaze but you do need to be a man who is confident and in control. Women love a man who takes the lead, knows what he wants, who they can look up to and who makes them feel safe. We don’t want a weak guy who is scared to approach us, who is unsure of what he wants, who is wrapped around our little finger, or who doesn’t respect himself.
- Be Cool – Don’t have great expectations and don’t become emotionally involved too early. Don’t be too available, don’t throw yourself at her, be needy and don’t crave attention all the time. None of these things are COOL. As a woman, I know we like the guy we are a little unsure of (to start with anyway) – so too much too soon won’t make you successful. Also in the initial stages of dating don’t reveal how you feel. Showing too much interest will freak her out. Don’t get involved in the women’s drama, guilt trips or attention seeking behaviour. Relax and play it cool instead. Don’t take life too seriously, it should be fun. We all need to learn to laugh at ourselves.
- Know when to Show Indifference – If a women disrespects, disappoints, plays games or loses interest then you should respond with indifference. If you get needy, angry, frustrated or desperate it feeds the women’s ego and gives her power over you. Indifference shows that she can’t control you or take you for granted. This gives you back the power. Remember we all value what we fear we may lose. So give the women a taste of loss and it will give her the chance to appreciate your value.
- Being Nice isn’t a Bad Thing – All guys know being the ‘nice guy’ won’t get them anywhere. But nor will being an arsehole! When women say they don’t like nice guys what they actually mean is the guys who are needy/desperate, who lack sexuality, who are boring and those who aren’t strong. Whereas, if you are friendly, fun and respectful you will draw people to you.
- Learn How to Give Compliments – A sincere compliment can make a woman feel like a million dollars and will make her enjoy being with you. Don’t ever overuse compliments; use them sparingly and on your terms. Avoid flattery for its sake and general compliments like saying she is hot – a woman would much prefer to be called beautiful. Good examples are complimenting her hair, the way she is dressed, how you love her company/conversation and her intelligence. In other words something personal about HER.
- Learn How to Read Body Language –Body language will help you work out if she is interested in you or not and saves unnecessary rejection. This is important but don’t stress about working it out as you don’t want her to catch you staring her while you are trying to figure out her body language is saying.
- Approach a Woman Straight Away – if you stare at her too long she will judge you as creepy. So just be confident and go straight up to her. Your choice creepy or confident. Note you don’t have to FEEL confident!
- Improve Yourself – Women are drawn to interesting and confident men so work on developing yourself and your social skills. Working on yourself will give you more confidence and make you more interesting.
- Appearance – looks are not as important to women. I see it time and time again at speed dating – it is not the best looking guy who is the most popular, it is the most confident. But appearance and looking the best you can is still important. So get in shape – working out keeps your find focussed, gives you a purpose, increases testosterone and can give you a confident/masculine state of mind. When it comes to your general appearance look the best you can. Make sure you dress well and look after yourself. If you are not sure how you look get some feedback from friends so you can look your best. Make sure you are clean and smell great – it matters. Women love good teeth so look after yours and make sure you don’t have bad breath – definite turn off. Posture is also important. No-one likes the guy who slouches and looks down all the time. Stand up straight and look the world in the eyes.
- Value Yourself – Amazing self-esteem and knowing you are worthwhile is vital. If you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else? Learn to like yourself – let’s face it you are stuck with yourself for the rest of your life! Remember you only get one shot at life so don’t waste it. Expect the best and don’t ever settle for less. Don’t let people take advantage of you. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. I love the line from The Perks of Being a Wallflower – ‘We accept the love we think we deserve’. So if you think you don’t deserve anything – best work on that first! Remember self-respect is vital and no guy with self-respect will put up with a bitch, nor will a woman with self-respect put up with an arsehole.
- Learn How to Flirt –Every guy should know how to flirt – this does not mean being sleazy. Flirting should be subtle you should make eye contact, smile, give a well-placed compliment, give a light show of interest, touching.
- Know Which Women to Stay Away From – Some women just love attention and don’t care how they get it. They aren’t interested in you and never will be but just like the attention you give. Stay away from these types of women as they will drain your emotions for no gain.
- Know when she is Interested – When a woman is interested she will make it easy for you. She will want to see you, be with you and want to get close to you. When a woman isn’t interested she will make things harder and brush off meeting you and will definitely keep her distance.
- Dates should be Fun – Don’t focus on getting lucky, because you will come across like every other guy she has ever met. Make your date exciting, research shows this will build attraction. Make the date memorable and leave her wanting more. Remember a fun date distracts you from the tension and increases your comfort levels. If the date is fun she will associate you with fun. Ha no guy wants to be seen as boring.
- Don’t Overthink – No two people think the same. So don’t start overanalysing everything all it will do is drive you crazy. Take things at face value and don’t take things personally at the beginning.
- Have Female Friends – if you want to know how women act firsthand, have female friends. You will learn so much by watching how they interact with guys. You get to see how they react to different ways of being approached and who they find attractive. The results are often surprising. Female friends will help you improve how you talk to women and will make you feel comfortable around them. Women friends can also introduce you to their friends and are great social proof.
