Dating over 40 doesn’t have to be hard work, in fact it can be fun. Did you know there are more singles in this age range than ever before? So don’t let your age become a barrier/excuse for being single!
- Mindset: The way you think – your mindset has a direct impact on your dating experiences. For example if you are always saying there are no decent singles out there, or continually making excuses about why you can’t date or that it is simply too hard. That is all you will see and experience. The more you look for the negative, the more you will find it! Realise and replace your limiting beliefs about meeting the right person. Don’t be so quick to write people off; I have seen so many singles in this age range write someone off at a glance. Some of the happiest couples I know wouldn’t be together if they did (some tell me if they had seen a photograph online they never would have met)! This is not about settling but about not been so judgemental.
- Put Yourself First: Make you own happiness your number one priority. This may sound strange as you mayb be used to putting others first, but it is important. Why? In my experience I have found in this age range people love to be around happy people. They may have put up with unsatisfactory relationships where they felt miserable, so it is more important to be around someone who make them feel good. I have a lot of singles who tell me this is more important than looks. Think of how you feel around genuinely happy people – it feels so good to be in their company.Start to do things that you love, the things you have always wanted to do. Don’t stress if you don’t know what that is – have fun, experiment and you will find it. Oh and no guilt about putting yourself first. The rule is simple – it should be fun and make you happy. Simple things often do just this – like reading a book, taking a bubble bath, a movie or maybe you try something daring like sky diving!
- Friends: At the end of a marriage a lot of people struggle with too much time on their hands and the loneliness. At this point they rush into a new relationship to fill up their emptiness, when what they really need is new friends so they don’t stay home every Friday and Saturday night. Building a new network of single friends will help you heal, have fun and have someone to support you.I recommend you try things like speed dating – it is a great place to meet singles who are in the same position as you. Or you could try social groups – Meet Up is a great one – it has hundreds of groups based on interest and is the perfect way to meet new friends. They have a host who will introduce you to the people at the event and the great thing is there is often NO cost involved.
- Don’t compete against a younger YOU: Accept yourself as you are now – stop looking back at how you looked in your 20’s, thinking who would date ‘this’! Anyway isn’t 40 is the new 30 and 50 the new 40! If you compare yourself to the person you were at 20 it will make you feel old and unattractive. There is only one answer – STOP! See the good news is the people you will meet today don’t have any past reference to compare you to – they see you now and will like you now. It really is a good idea to start to love who you are – don’t waste your time beating yourself up for what you aren’t.Instead of counting your flaws make a list of 10 things you love about yourself. Then use them every time you have one of those negative thoughts. Remind yourself what an AMAZING person you are!
- Beware of your past mistakes: Do you date the same type of person in a different disguise over and over again? You are attracted to the same person over and over again as they feel comfortable. But comfortable doesn’t = good for you or happiness. Look at your last relationships and list the top 5 deal breaking qualities they had and you simply couldn’t live with. These 5 traits should be your warning signs for future relationships – look at them as your red flags.
As always happy dating.
Debbie x
