Ok so you have met someone, how do you know they are right for and how do you make it last?
In the digital dating it is easy to get stuck in analysis paralysis! You can end up being overly judgmental and this can cause you to miss out on the person who could be perfect for you.
Here’s are 8 tips:
1. Look at what is right, rather than look for the faults!
It can be way too easy to look at what could potentially go wrong and to look for the other persons faults. It is time to relax and go with the flow, take the time to enjoy someone’s company. Have fun! Everyone has a mix of good and bad and I want to let you know that what you look for you are bound to find. So it is important to start off by looking for all that is right and good.
2. Don’t take it all soo seriously.
It is too easy to get hung up about wasting time. The interesting thing about this one is it is not limited to anyone age group. When you have this mindset it puts a lot of pressure on the dating experience to get it right and does not lead to the best choices. You need to realise that no experience is ever wasted and every experience can teach you something. When you are in a hurry it does not help you make the best choices. In this state of mind you will get way too serious when dating, taking all the fun out of it. This will also change the energy you bring and can end up repelling people instead of attracting them. Relationships are meant to be fun and not all hard work. They should flow easily, you should not need to force them. Yes when you meet someone it is normal that it will bring up some of the pain of the past but the key is to be able to take things seriously and be able to be playful at the same time! A good sense of humour is essential! This is the secret to allow love to grow and last.
3. Trust your feelings!
We have feelings for a reason, they are important and should be listened to. Basically you should feel good when you are with the person and when you are not with them. The basis of a good relationship is trust and security, if you question it the minute you are away from them it is something to examine. If you don’t feel good it is a good indicator that the person/relationship is not right for you. It is important to look at your feelings and understand what is causing them so you can deal with the cause. Many singles haven’t dealt with past baggage and this can cloud and influence what is happening in new relationships. When this happens it is all too easy to bring the pain of the past into the future, creating issues that don’t exist. Don’t be a mind reader or make assumptions – good communication is the basis of a great relationship. Know that your feelings are yours and they are valid. If you are trying to make something work; staying with someone as someone is better than nothing; with them as you have a fear of being alone, etc you could be there for all the wrong reasons. It is time to understand where your feelings are coming from without beating yourself up for having them or over analyzing them. PAIN actually means Please Acknowledge Information Now – so make sure you do!
4. Chemistry and how you feel at the beginning is not real compatibility
Chemistry is a strange mix of so many different factors – your definition of love, chemicals produced when you are attracted to someone, your unique views and preferences. When you first meet someone there are so many factors at play like wishful thinking as they are saying everything you want to hear and also I think we see what we want to see. It can be easy to get carried away by the excitement. Also it can be flattering that someone is attracted to you and wants you. But someone simply wanting you now is not something you can rely on for a good relationship in the long run.
It is important to remember that chemistry is only one component of what you need – you also need shared values and compatibility. You need to like who the person is, so often you can have extreme chemistry with people you may not even like or be compatible with.
5. Don’t look for your value from a relationship
Someone does not complete you, you need to be complete in yourself. You need to value yourself first and you will attract someone who equally values themselves. Love yourself first! You are unique and one of a kind.
We attract the love we think we deserve – ‘Perks of Being a Wallflower’. Like does attract like so the key to getting the love you have always wanted is to start by truly loving yourself. The good, the bad and the ugly – ALL OF IT! It is always the parts of yourself that you don’t accept that will end up causing you problems. By loving yourself you will literally change your energy and the people who are attracted to you. Loving ourselves is not something we are taught. Think of it like a light bulb, your light might be dim like a 25 watt globe, but when you learn to love yourself you will shine like the 120 watt bulb.
Looking to be validated, to feel good or to feel love is a recipe for disaster. That is why it is essential to look at your relationship with yourself first. Getting the love you want starts with YOU. As you make these changes you will be surprised what happens and who you attract into your life. It is IMPORTANT to take the time to make the changes in how you feel about yourself. When you do, you will literally change the energy you give off and attract a totally different type of person. Love is not about someone else giving you your self-value and is never a replacement for loving yourself. It does however, act as a mirror to give you a new healthy perspective on yourself, as everyone we meet gives us the opportunity to see ourselves with fresh clarity.
6. Balance is important
To have a great relationship it is important for it to be balanced. You need to be able to have the perfect mix of being together and being able to be apart. Doing too much on your own does not create a great relationship nor does being joined at the hip. When you do this it either causes neediness and resentment. Too much off either will make the relationship fragile and out of balance. Balance is easy to achieve when you have healthy self-worth.
7. Be Open, don’t let your Fear of Getting Hurt get in the way
Self-protection is something we are all good at, in fact it is an instinct. Self-protection often works against you in a relationship as it can push away the good as well as the bad. When you let fear rule it acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you look for what is wrong you are likely to find it! The thing about walls is they keep out the good as well as the bad. Trust yourself to make a good choice, trust your gut feeling, in my experience as a coach it rarely lies and people always know at a gut level if a relationship is right for them. If it feels right then allow yourself to trust someone until something happens to show you otherwise. If you have been badly hurt in the past it is worthwhile to work on the issues before you start dating.
8. Be honest, even if it causes some short-term pain.
Being able to trust each other is the foundation of a great relationship. So it is important to be honest and authentically you. You will not get the relationship you want while you are being anyone but yourself. It is time to stop trying to please everyone else and simply be the fabulous person you are. Time to stop twisting yourself in knots to be with someone.
To be able to trust each other you need to be honest with each other to be able to build the trust. Obviously this should not be done on a first date but as you get to know each other. The thing about lies is they have a way of catching up with you – so it is always best to be honest. However, there is a skill and timing to be honest and the way you say things matters.
