9 Ways Smart, Successful Women Block Love & Stay Single

By 22 March, 2022 January 16th, 2023 Advice for Women, Blog
smart successful women

Would you put yourself in the smart, successful women category? The smart successful women category is full of women who have achieved their goals. They have overcome so many challenges and setbacks to be successful.

However, many of the women in the smart, successful women category have it all except for one thing – love!  They have it all except the one thing they really want – a happy relationship with a man who matches them.

In the past decade, I have worked with so many women in the smart, successful women. category! They are happy, yet frustrated and often sad that they can’t seem to achieve the same success finding the type of relationship they have always dreamt of.

I see smart, successful women feel beyond frustrated that they can’t meet the type of man who matches them.

These smart, successful women get so frustrated that they put their focus and efforts into other areas of their lives, you know the ones where they are getting results.

Occasionally, they will dip their toes back in the water in a half-hearted way. Yes, they put themselves online but they could avoid checking their apps, not respond to messages or reject anyone who is interested in them.

Underneath it, all these smart, successful women believe it isn’t really worth their time or effort as it won’t work anyway!

As a Relationship Coach, I see nine common ways that women get in the way of their own happiness and I am going to break them down for you.

9 Simple Ways Smart, Successful Women Keep Themselves Single

1. Looking for Perfection

Are you looking for the ‘perfect’ man? Looking for someone who has EVERYTHING you want is unrealistic because NO-ONE is perfect. Everyone comes with flaws including YOU.

The real honest truth is you don’t need EVERYTHING in one person to have a happy and loving relationship. You need to look at the important qualities like do you share the same values in life. Then rather than being caught up in how he looks notice if he is able to communicate. Finding a man who is kind and emotionally intelligent matters so much more than looks in the long run. Make sure you focus on what is actually important for your happiness.

The reality is the man who can treat you well, who you can laugh with, who you can talk about anything with and who will learn/grow throughout your life is what really matters.

2. Smart, successful women protect themselves

If you have been hurt in the past it is natural to protect yourself. I see women do this by putting a wall around their hearts to make sure no one hurts them again.

How? You meet men and have dirty big f**ck off walls that you expect them to breakthrough. These walls are easily seen by the men you want to date. Your walls will show up in your body language, in coldness/lack of warmth, interrogating men on dates with interview questions, etc. Instead of keeping you safe, this repels the type of man YOU want to meet. Instead of walls, what you really need is healthy boundaries.

You also can’t feel love when you shut off your heart.

3. All men are……

If you have been unlucky in love you can start to believe that all men are liars or all men will let you down, etc. Just because the last man let you down doesn’t ALL men are the same and will let you down.

It is pretty common to be attracted to the same type of man! So common that is a large part of the work I do as a coach to help you shift that pattern that works against you rather than for you. My clients tell me it’s my super skill!

4. Focusing so much on what you don’t want

It is a good step to know what you don’t want. However, too many women focus on what they don’t want rather than what they do. When you do this, you will simply see more of what you don’t want as it’s how our brains are wired!

5. You are too sensitive 

Dating is an interesting experience! There are so many things you can take personally because it can feel personal. The reality is that you need to not be so sensitive about every person who doesn’t want a 2nd date or even a 1st date.

Men will be flaky, they will ghost, they will change their mind and it has nothing to do with you and how good you are. It has more to do with the man, his character and his personal experiences than being a personal rejection of you.

Being a wreck over a man you saw a couple of times is being too sensitive. Keep it in perspective – it is just someone you met not a lifetime commitment that didn’t work out! The reality is you won’t be everyone’s cup or tea nor will they be yours!

Learn not to take it all to heart and take things too seriously. Relax and simply enjoy meeting new people. When you do this, it will change the way you come across to others and make dating more fun.

6. Surprisingly smart, successful women tell the not good enough story

Even though you know that you have achieved so much, somewhere deep inside yourself you feel like you are not worthy or good enough. It isn’t logical but it’s there. To get the relationship that makes you happy it starts with you. With being able to love and accept yourself because the reality is that – We accept the love we think we deserve’ Perks of Being a Wallflower. No one else can do this for you, it is something you have to do for yourself!

7. Thinking you are too old

It is still all too common for women to believe they have a ‘shelf life’ when it comes to finding a relationship. You know that they have to settle down before they are too old or they will miss out. In fact, 1 in 3 women feels the pressure to compromise on what they want the older they get.

If you still haven’t met the right person you might even think you missed out altogether.

The good news is that love doesn’t have an expiry date and I know firsthand that you are NEVER too old to find love!

8. You Only Get One Chance

It is common to feel that you only get one shot at love! Especially, if you have found love once in your life and it was taken away! That could be through death or divorce. This is simply NOT true. In fact, if you have experienced love before you are more likely to recognise it and be open to it again.

9. You don’t believe in love

If you don’t believe in love or that it is possible to find love you will be highly successful in creating that reality! You will remain single.

In fact, you will self-sabotage your own efforts or not put in enough effort because what is the point it won’t happen for you.

Love is wonderful and you are not given the desire for love without the capacity and possibility of making it a reality.

I work with single women every single day to believe love is possible.

My personal motto is that it is never too late to have the life and the love you have always imagined.

Oh, and I know firsthand!


If you feel like you are in the smart successful women category and recognise yourself in some of these points but don’t know how to change them, I can help. Give me a call – 61 450 771 382 to find out how.

Debbie, Relationship Coach

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