Forget ghosting …just when you thought dating couldn’t get any worse….along comes benching the new dating trend. It is the newest way for someone to screw you over!
Let’s paint a picture – you have met someone, you are excited, everything seems good and then BAM they disappear. You are left confused about what happened! You go over every detail, obsess about what you did or didn’t do. Your friends give you consolation and explanations but they don’t help it just feels CRAP!
Finally you move on and get over it, only to receive a text message – ‘Hey, how are you’. Then the process starts all over again.
Did you know there is a word for this – benching. Jason Chen came up with the name in a New York article. What does it mean? It means you have been benched by the person either cos they are unsure or someone else is in play!
Why? Usually the person isn’t 100% sure what they want – they like you but not enough. So they see someone else or look around. Or they like the attention they get from knowing you are still around -it’s an ego boost. Basically they are keeping their options open.
It doesn’t take much in the digital age, in fact it is all too easy. They send you a Snap chat, a funny text or meme or even meet up occasionally. They do the minimum to keep you around. Of course, you analyse this stuff and think well they obviously wouldn’t do it if they didn’t like me!
The reality is they are simply keeping their options open while seeing if there is a better player – like in football – to sub in while you have been subbed out! Only to be subbed back in when the other player doesn’t work out. In the old days it was called stringing someone along.
What’s the answer if you want a real relationship?
Don’t respond to that first message – don’t play ball!
When someone really likes you they you won’t be left in any doubt – they will escalate the relationship. It is that simple.
Remember people treat you the way you allow them to.
Deb x
