Hi Everyone, I just wanted to share with you a post from my blog – ‘Debbie Does Dating’ about how dating is just like darts!
Running a singles business and offering dating coaching I have studied a lot of the dating advice out there. One of my favourite books is Mars and Venus on a Date by John Gray. The book is great reading and I would highly recommend it to you. This book offers so much great advice on dating and how to get the relationship you want. So this blog is based on John Gray’s invaluable advice!
Have you ever played a game of darts? Some people are a natural and manage to strike the bullseye straight away, whereas others need a lot more practice to be an awesome dart player!!!
Dating and relationships are a little like darts – some people are naturals and manage to get it right straight away (the bullseye), whereas others need to date a few people to work out what they want. So each time you date a person that doesn’t work you will then self correct and be more attracted to a person who is closer to being right for you.
I honestly think being very clear about what is important, helps us find the relationship that really works for us. Now I am not talking the superficial stuff like how tall someone is but rather about the values they hold.
Also when we don’t end a relationship properly and have unsolved business such as resentment or guilt; we end up being attracted to someone who will help us deal with our unsolved feelings and issues. Now it is human nature to want to go back and get something right, to fix the issues and be successful in a similar type of relationship. Often we can’t do this as the person just wasn’t right for us in the first place. We do tend to keep repeating the bad pattern until we get it right or simply accept that, that type of person just isn’t right for us. If on the other hand we feel positive about a dating experience that ended, we gain the ability to self-correct and move on. Instead of repeating the pattern the next time, we are attracted to someone closer to what we want.
Dating is an interesting experience and I have found that we all start dating for different reasons at different times in our lives, according to what we have experienced. I know when I first left my marriage I dated people who weren’t great, as I felt guilty for ending a marriage and hurting my children.
In Mars and Venus on a Date, Dr Gray says ‘Choosing to date someone we already know is not right for us is like shooting for the target and purposefully missing. Not only will this prevent us from hitting the target, but it is very confusing for our inner instincts. Until this pattern is corrected we tend to be attracted to the wrong types of partners. When we lower our standards, the wrong type is what we will attract and be attracted to. When we choose to pursue someone we know with certainty is not right for us, we lose our momentum. It is like putting all your life savings in an investment that you are not sure about. You would never think, “Hmm, this investment is definitely not the best for me. I think I will put all my money here.” In a similar way, it is better not to date if you are not meeting people who match your standards.’
Every relationship we have is a gift that prepares you for the right relationship and also allows you to recognise what you want/need in a relationship – just like learning to play darts. So start using your judgement and continue to raise your standards so you won’t settle for someone who is wrong for you.
Happy Dating xx