Most people have heard of burnout – the term was originally related to work and happened when people felt exhausted and disinterested in work and often life in general.
What is dating burnout? Pretty much the same as regular burnout – you can’t bring yourself to get ready for yet another date, you experience a lack of interest in dating overall, you feel exhausted and you have lost hope of meeting anyone remotely decent.
Dating has significantly changed in the naughties – we have more access to singles through different means; yet it has never been harder to meet ‘the one’ or someone we at least want to date. Now because there appears to be so many options and singles available it is more depressing when you don’t find the relationship you are looking for.
In the age of Tinder and internet dating, dating really can feel like a 2nd job. Dating aps can be accessed through your mobile phone so the whole dating world is EVER present.
Now 2 things can happen at this stage:
- You become overwhelmed by the contact; and/or
- You don’t have much luck. So you feel like there is no hope. You think with all those singles out there that you still can’t find anyone.
The frustration you feel at this point is totally understandable and it is now you are susceptible to dating burnout!
If this is you, the first question you should ask yourself is -‘are you actually ready to date?’ All too often you may think you are ready for a relationship but when you start to date all sorts of issues are raised that you didn’t know you had. When you are not in a great place emotionally, dating burnout can happen too easily. What should you do if this is you?
- Work through the issues that come up so you are able to move forward in your life. If you are not over an ex, don’t date until you get over them. Give your self time to grieve the relationship and look at what you really want in life.
- Spend some time working on what you want in love and life in general. Learn to truly love yourself and know that you are worth an amazing relationship.
But if this isn’t the case and you are ready for love but experiencing dating burnout then here are some strategies to help:
- Take a Break – Take a week or two off dating and everything it involves. Repetitive actions and high stress cause burnout so take a step back and do some things you love. Hang out with friends, do fun stuff, do anything but think about dating. By taking some time out and putting some space between yourself and dating it will give you a whole new perspective and lease on life.
- Be Nice to You – When you aren’t meeting someone as quickly as you like it is easy to become discouraged and start to talk to your friends. This opens the doors to lots of feedback from people telling you what you need to fix, change or do differently. But never mind what ‘people’ say, there is a tendency to be hard on yourself. To feel like there MUST be something wrong with you, that you are not good enough and are destined to be single forever. My advice is to view yourself how you would your friends; you know they have faults but you still think they are worthwhile people. Look at the good qualities you have, it is one thing to work on being the best version of yourself but it is totally another to be your own worst critic. Therefore, be nice/kind to yourself. Sometimes dating just takes longer than you think, don’t give up.
- Manage your Expectations and Learn to go with the Flow – I believe in being positive as much as the next person but high expectations can actually be counterproductive. I think it is all too easy to think that a relationship should happen the minute we want it to. Our expectations make dating so much harder. I am sure you have gone for a night out or on a date in the past with high expectations that you would meet someone awesome or the date would be your last first date only to be bitterly disappointed when it didn’t work out.
Now some people expect love to come knocking at their door without ever leaving the house. However, I think if you have put yourself out there in the dating world IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT IS MEANT TO HAPPEN. You will find what you want at the perfect time for YOU. But just lighten up in the meantime. Rushing the process or trying to decide too quickly only puts undue pressure on everyone. - Mindset around Dating – The way you think effects what you do. I love the line from Eat, Pray, Love – ‘Chose your thoughts with as much care as you chose your clothes. With dating chose to feel positive and that you will meet the right person. Look for good things in the opposite sex – don’t just look for faults. Keep the mindset that dating is a process where you are working out if the person is a good fit and visa versa; it may take time but you WILL find the right match.
Remember there are so many quality singles out there – just like you who are looking for a relationship it is a matter of timing. There are so many different ways of meeting singles so don’t just use one method like internet dating or Tinder. Make sure you have a fun life and where you are able to meet new people – try group activities, meet up groups, sporting groups, dinner dating, speed dating and make sure you do things that are built around the things you love.
Don’t lose heart, it may not happen overnight but it will happen.
As always happy dating.
Debbie xxx
