How often have you heard the cliché – ‘Love happens when you least expect it?’
I am sure you have heard it one too many times tbh!
Unfortunately, the fact of the matter in this day and age is that love rarely comes knocking at your door. They haven’t yet developed an app like Uber Eats to make this happen!
A great relationship rarely happens by chance!
It is ironic that from an early age we are encouraged that everything worth having can be achieved through hard work. In most areas of your life you realise that if you want to get what you are looking for you must take steps to achieve it. If you are looking for a particular job, it’s important to get the right training and skills needed to get the job. We all put a lot of work into achieving our dreams in our careers and other areas of our life, yet when it comes to love, we believe it will just fall in our laps!
The reality is that it doesn’t really happen this way. Even in cases where people meet and fall in love the romance doesn’t always work. Seriously, the odds are not in your favour! Based on US Statistics, the divorce rates are now 50% for first marriages, 67% in second marriages and 73% for subsequent marriages.
There are many reasons relationships don’t work however one of the biggest reason is basing your choice on chemistry alone!
Neurologists have identified the chemical changes that occur in the brain when people fall in love. Basically the part of the brain used for judgement (frontal cortex) shuts down! MRI scans show this only happens when someone is shown a photo of the person they love, shutting down all criticism or doubt.
When you look at the person you are into to, the part of your brain related to judgement literally shuts down.
Research has found that love really is a drug. Studies have shown that dopamine is at higher levels in those in love. Dopamine stimulates desire and reward. It is linked to desire, addiction, euphoria, and a surge may cause such strong feelings of reward that it makes love hard to give up. Tests show that taking opioid drugs such as cocaine have a similar as love.
Falling in love produces a chemical high. It allows us to only see the good in the person we love.
With all those feel good chemicals, no wonder people want to be in love!
The problem of course is the chemical high doesn’t last forever and as it wears off you get to see the person as they really are – warts and all. What you once found adorable now repels you.
The answer to find the relationship you are looking for is to not base your decision on chemistry alone.
Don’t get me wrong chemistry is important but it is only one factor you need to have the relationship you have always wanted.
To have a great relationship you need to have the following three things:
2. Shared Values
3. Good Communication Skills
The answer to creating the relationship you have always wanted is to be clear about what is important to you and what will make you happy.
It is time to STOP leaving the most important area of your life – love to chance!
Seriously you wouldn’t go into a coffee shop with no idea of what you want, would you? If you went to the counter and said I don’t know what I want the likelihood is you will either get nothing or be given something that isn’t exactly what you want.
Be clear about what your values are and what you are looking for.
A tip to help you know someone’s values is to look at where they spend their time. If they tell you they value family, yet never see theirs – it is unlikely they actually value family. Our lives are a reflection of what we value.
It is also important to take some time to be clear about how you want to FEEL in a relationship. You may feel you are looking for the best looking person; however, they often doesn’t make you feel great!
It is time to create your relationships by choice instead of chance.