Getting Zombied – it’s been called the latest toxic dating trend. You will see it on TikTok and in the media! It is trending because the singer-songwriter, Marie Darling warned her 256K followers that getting zombied is worse than getting ghosted!
“Girl, you’re being ghosted? I’m being zombied. It’s like ghosting, but he comes back from the dead after a couple of months and hits you up,” she explained in a video with 1.5 million views and 151,100 likes.
In a follow-up video, she said, “that dating in New York City was like a zombie apocalypse “mixed with the ‘Thriller’ music video because all these boys are tap dancing around commitment.”
The toxic dating trend is not new, it has been around forever! I last wrote about zombe-ing in 2019 and it appears in the Urban Dictionary. It is just becoming more of a trending phenomenon.
What does it mean to be zombied?
Zombied Meaning from the Urban Dictionary
It’s where someone you previously dated (and very likely cared for) or were even in a relationship with, ghosted you (disappeared without a trace) , only to then resurface sometime later, most likely in the form of some sort of social media interaction or an out of the blue text message. Usually, the zombieing happens just when you’ve gotten over the hurt of having them ghost you in the first place. Then, all of a sudden, they subtly reappear (I say subtle – it can feel like a slap in the face!) causing more emotional upset.
They are like a zombie rising from the dead. They resurface after weeks, months or years as if nothing has happened. In a daze, they are completely unaware of the effect their disappearance had on you!
What do you Do If You are Zombied?
Do you get the baseball bat out as you would in a real Zombie Apocalypse?
Ha ha as tempting as that might be, the answer is a definite NO!
For some reading this article, it will be easy for you, you will either ignore them or tell them firmly that you aren’t interested.
But what if you are zombied by someone you have dreamt of coming back into your life, someone you really liked it will be a different story.
In this case, you may be tempted to pick up where you have left off but don’t! It’s important to set boundaries and communicate what you need. Otherwise, you may find yourself back in the same horrible position all over again.
You deserve to find out why they disappeared in the first place and why they have decided to come back now. Don’t be scared to ask why and to also let them know how it felt for you when they ghosted you.
They may not be able to explain why, so be prepared for that. You might not get the closure or the explanation you needed. In that case, it’s important to accept that the situation is out of your control and move on. Don’t make excuses for them. Remember to make your own emotional well-being a priority, not someone else’s.
To take them back they need to be genuinely sorry about ghosting you. If they don’t care about how you feel or downplay what happened, the odds are pretty high that they could do it again.
Always keep in mind that you deserve someone who respects and values you. NEVER settle for anything less than that.
If you are Tempted to be the Zombie!
Are you tempted to zombie someone? If your answer is yes, take a step back and think about it first. Think about how your actions will impact another human with feelings.
Take a moment to see if you are genuinely sorry for ghosting them.
Are you truly interested in the other person, or do you just want them to fill a need in you for the company because you are lonely? Or do you just want them around until something better comes along? It’s not fair to do that to someone else, you know stringing them along just because you want them in the short term. Or because it is hard for you to find someone else and you are lonely.
If that is the case, don’t do it!
Ghosting is bad, it can be days turning into weeks and even months with no communication from the person you liked or even loved. It is the worst, you are left wondering what went wrong. You might even start to question your own worth and if you were just not good enough.
You try to move on, but you can’t shake the feeling that something is unresolved. And then, just when you’ve given up hope, they pop up again, acting like nothing ever happened.
That is why it is so much worse to be Zombied! It is a toxic dating trend, not the continuing of a love story!
Communication and respect are the foundation of any relationship. They are the minimum requirement! Someone who has ghosted you couldn’t even do that. Don’t settle for less than you deserve just because someone is hot or you felt this amazing spark of chemistry. If they didn’t care enough about your feelings and disappeared without a trace, don’t re-open the door.
For anyone who has been ghosted or attacked by a zombie, it says so much more about the other person than it does about you. It shows their inability to communicate. Please remember that.
If you are struggling with ghosting, zombe-ing or dating in general, dating coaching can help. Let’s chat and see how.
Debbie, Relationship Coach