Ghosting is a modern phenomenon! You may be lucky enough not to have never been ghosted and wondering what it is! It is when someone you have been dating simply disappears from your life. This could be after a couple of dates or even months of dating!
People have been ending relationships badly since the beginning of time but it has become so much easier in the technological age. Ghosting people you barely know and who aren’t part of your daily life is easy to do without you seeing the effects.
A YouGov/Huffington Post survey found 11% of people had ghosted someone and a Dare2Date survey found 41% of people had been ghosted and they didn’t like it!
The reasons people ghost others are:
- Can’t think how to end it;
- It is easier;
- Person was a jerk;
- Test if the person cared;
- Seems a normal thing to do nowadays;
- Unsure and wanted to leave their options open;
- Lazy;
- Person was crazy.
The worst reason is that people think it is normal to do nowadays!
Ghosting leaves people with too many questions. People surveyed preferred honesty to being ignored.
My advice as a Dating Coach is to have the common decency to tell someone you aren’t keen. It may feel uncomfortable to break up with someone but it is the decent thing to do.
In the early days ie 2 or 3 dates a text is sufficient; more time than that a phone call or face to face meeting is the right thing to do.
If you give people honest feedback on why you want to break up it allows the person to move on. It will give them closure. Sometimes it is as simple as you don’t feel it – this isn’t personal. In other cases the other person may have acted in a way that put the other party off. Letting the person know allows them to understand the reason and gives them the opportunity to grow.
Now if the person does continue to contact you after you have broken up with them it is then acceptable to not answer.
If on the other hand you are the person being broken up with my advice is to accept the break up and move on.
The Effects of How you Break up gives you more information on breakups.
Happy dating.
Deb x
