How do you know if someone is the right person for you? You might have heard that you need to look at the warning signs or red flags when you meet someone. The red flags are a sign of danger and to stop seeing someone. However, all that makes you do is look for and focus on what is wrong, rather than what is right.
What you focus on you see more of!
So why not look for green flags instead? A green flag is the signal to go ahead. When you are looking for green flags you are focussing on what you want in a relationship and what feels good for you.
To make it easy for you I have listed some healthy traits and green flags to look for.
Please note the person you are interested in may not have everything listed, but if they have less than half beware!
Do They Have These Green Flags?
Have Healthy Self-esteem
You may wonder what this means! If you have healthy self-esteem, you feel worthy of respect from others. If you have low self-esteem, you place little value on your opinions and ideas; you may also worry that you aren’t deserving of respect from others.
Will Introduce you to People
A green flag is when the person you are dating will introduce you to the important people in their life. Like their friends and family.
Another green flag comes when the person you are dating respects you and the boundaries that you set.
Someone who has emotional intelligence is a green flag. Find out the answers to the following questions:
- Are they comfortable discussing their feeling and emotions, past and present?
- Is the person able to recognise and talk about how they are feeling and be vulnerable?
- Do they have the ability to resolve conflict when it arises?
- Can they be angry and express their anger appropriately and constructively?
- Are they flexible and don’t need to control everything?
Are they financially stable? People may have lost money due to a divorce but do they have a plan for the future? Can they talk about financial issues without losing control? These are all questions you can ask rather than simply hoping for the best.
Do they have good relationships in their life? Do they have friendships that have lasted a couple of years? How are their relationships with their families? Are they able to have a good relationship with their family but are still independent of them? If a woman hates her dad or a man hates his mum you may have issues. Look for someone who has dealt with these.
Being Addiction-Free is a Green Flag
Does not rely on alcohol or drugs. If either significantly changes their personality – beware!
Not Attention Seeking
Do not need to seek attention to feel good about themselves. They should be comfortable and secure about themselves and be happy with your attention.
Over the Past is a Green Flag
They have dealt with their previous relationship issues. They are not continually talking about their ex and have spent enough time alone to get over their breakups. As a result, they have space for you in their lives. They are also able to balance their personal and work life.
They have a positive mindset and can be optimistic about the future. Can laugh and have a sense of humour.
Other Green Flags
Other green flags to look for are:
- Are interested in you and what you do.
- The computer should not be their friend, just something they use.
- Have outside interests.
- Healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually.
- Likes their job or if they don’t have a plan to make changes.
- Is reliable and keeps the plans they have made.
Conclusion – Green Flags
If you are struggling to know if someone is right for you, why not invest in How to Find the Best Match for You? Or book a coaching call so you don’t waste any more of your valuable time.