How to Enjoy Dating When You are Looking for a Committed Relationship

By 9 November, 2021 Blog
enjoy dating

You want to meet someone for a serious, committed relationship! You start off hoping that it will be a quick and easy experience, right?

But the reality is that it can be the complete opposite of easy and quick. Being aware that it can take time, makes it easier and allows you to enjoy the experience!

When you are able to enjoy the dating experience you will come across so much better on your dates. Instead of going into your dates being judgemental, be curious and open-minded. Believe it or not, your mindset is the key to allowing you to enjoy dating.

5 Tips to Help you Enjoy Dating

1. A Date is a light-hearted way to Get to Know New People

See a date as a light-hearted way to get to know new people. Be genuinely curious about the other person without the heavy expectation about where things will go. It will either turn into something more or will simply be an enjoyable conversation with someone you haven’t met before.

Dating is outside of most people’s comfort zone, so they go into a date feeling uncomfortable, being awkward and that shows up in their body language. Instead, be the person you are when you are with the people you are comfortable with. The person who is relaxed, who is able to laugh at themselves and genuinely enjoy themselves. When you are able to do this you will be able to enjoy dating and will get much better results as you are showing the REAL you.

Treat each date and what follows as a learning experience that allows you to understand what you value and need in a partner.

You may think you know what you want, however, it can often only become obvious when you start to go out with someone. Dating allows you to become clear about what is important to you. It is important to notice how you feel and what you enjoy when you go on dates.  Don’t get hung up on whether they are the one or putting too much pressure on each date.

It is all too easy for both women and men to be fooled by a confident person who flatters them, yet the key is to notice how you feel when you are around them.

2. Feelings are not always Mutual

You can go out with someone a couple of times and get excited about where it is going only to find out the other person doesn’t feel the same way. All this does is leave you feeling stunned, you thought they could be the one and they didn’t see it going anywhere. It hurts and leaves you feeling disappointed and confused!

It is normal to feel hurt when you are rejected. I recommend you process the emotion but don’t take it personally.

The real honest truth is someone not wanting to be with you is NOT an indication of how attractive, likeable or dateable you are.

Feeling like it is, will stop you from being able to enjoy dating.

It is just that the other person feels that you aren’t the right match for them. Or maybe they just aren’t ready for the type of relationship that you are. Plenty of singles don’t have the capacity to have a relationship and the reality is that no one is going to be good enough.

You’re better off with someone who can value, appreciate and respect you.

This rejection isn’t personal, even if it feels that way! So, it is essential that you don’t take it personally. Because if you do, it will make you feel bad about yourself and break down your own self-esteem. The reality is feelings are not always returned and that’s ok!

In fact, this is how dating works! One person is often more interested than the other – until you find the right one for you.  Otherwise, everyone would end up being with the first person they met.

When you take it personally dating is tough and it stops you from being able to enjoy dating!  It is essential that you know your worth/value and not let anyone take that from you.

3. Looking at What is Important Allows you to Enjoy Dating

You need to look for what is important rather than focusing on chemistry or instant attraction.

Don’t fall in love with someone simply because they charm you or there is a high level of attraction.

 You want to be able to focus on the other persons character because that is much more important in the long term. Always believe actions over what you see is their ‘potential’. Because it’s easy to  get caught up in your ‘idea’ of the other person rather than the reality.

Notice how they treat you when they are with you and when you are apart. Notice how you work together and how easy it is to make decisions that consider both of your needs. You also need to make sure you want the same things in the long term. It won’t work if one of you wants children and the other one doesn’t.

Don’t be in a hurry, take your time. Impatience will always stop you from being able to enjoy dating. Impatience can also lead to a relationship that is incompatible and will make you unhappy in the long term.

4. Spend time Doing Different Activities

You want to do different activities with each other to get to know each other. This makes dating fun but also allows you to work out if you are compatible.

It lets you see the other person in different settings with different people. It allows you to see how they act, how they treat people, how they react to stressful situations and it allows you to see the different sides of their personality. This enables you to make a well-formed opinion of who they are. It is not about looking for perfection, but looking for someone who you can live with over time. if you are able to enjoy dating them, then you will enjoy your long term-committed relationship.

5. Dating Burnout is Real and Stops you Being able to Enjoy Dating

Dating should be fun! If dating is starting to feel like a second job you don’t have time for or that you have lost any hope of success then it is time to take a break. You can’t have fun on a date if you have lost hope!

Dating burnout is a real thing that will always stop you from being able to enjoy dating!

Dating burnout happens when:

  1. You are overwhelmed by  contact on dating sites; and/or
  2. You don’t get results.. Which makes you lose hope because you see plenty of singles online but still can’t get a date.

You can avoid dating burnout by:

  • Not going on too many dates with people who aren’t suitable for you.
  • Talking to them on the phone before you meet, saves you wasted dates.
  • Continuing to go out with someone when you don’t want to.
  • Forcing yourself to go to events that you don’t enjoy – you will only come across grumpy!
  • By not staying online month after month. Set yourself an amount of time to do online dating. Go on for two months and take a break, so you can come with a fresh mindset.

Dating shouldn’t be a chore, it should be enjoyable. When you are enjoying yourself, you will come across so much better!

Finally, finding the right person comes when you are able to trust yourself to make the right choice. Instead of being full of anxiety, you will feel good.

If you are finding it hard to trust yourself, don’t enjoy dating or you aren’t getting the results you want dating coaching can help. Why not book in a free discovery call, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by having a chat.

Debbie Rivers, Relationship Coach

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