In 2016 singles are pickier than EVER before!
Tinder and Internet dating has changed face of dating forever and not always in a good way! Online dating makes it look like there are thousands of options and judgment is often made on a single photo. This one is too old, this one is too young, too large, too short, wrong colour hair, has taken a selfie, make a spelling mistake in their profile – the list of judgements can be endless.
In my blog Are You too Shallow I talked about how some of the hottest stars have not aged so well. I recently saw a picture of the Bay City Rollers who were HOT in the day, but unfortunately not so hot now. I think if many of you saw them online you would overlook them! The thing is they would still make AMAZING partners!
The problem with online dating is that a 50 year old woman may be overlooked by a 50 year old man, the same woman may overlook a 56 year old man or a short guy; a short man may not want to be with a large woman, the large woman may not want to be with the older guy – on and on we go. Everyone judging on their set critieria and no-one getting the relationship they have dreamt of.
My advice is to expand the scope of what you are looking for. Some of the happiest couples I know met through expanding their scope and not being instantly judgemental.
One story I love is of a man who rejected a women online as she did not meet his criteria – she didn’t meet the age he was looking for. As luck or fate would have it, he met this women in the real world and they hit it off. They ended up dating and eventually married.
Now don’t get me wrong I believe that you should be clear about what you want in a partner and there are definite deal breakers – ie if she wants children and you don’t that is a deal breaker. But when you are too narrow and rule people out on shallow superficial criteria you could overlook someone like the man in this story.
Your perfect partner might end up being 5ft 8 instead of 6ft, he might be a tradie and not a business person; she might not like to travel or be older than you imagined. What you should be looking for is how someone makes you FEEL.
I want you to try this simple exercise – the next time you go out scan the room for people wearing something red. You will be surprised at how few people are wearing red. Now image that the ‘red group’ is your type! See how small the group of people are who are wearing red! No wonder it is hard to find ‘the one’ when you narrow down your criteria this way! Now try scanning the room for people wearing something purple and you have instantly have increased the number of people who fit your criteria and your chances of meeting someone. Changing one element of what you are looking for can open up a world of opportunity. There is a lot more fish in the sea when you cast a wider net! Now try this exercise with more meaningful criteria than colour. Look for your opposite physical type – maybe blondes rather than brunettes. By doing this you are opening up your mind for more possibilities and also deprogramming yourself from choosing the same. You never know what is under the external disguise.
The other statement I heard the other day is we are only as valuable as our options. So you are able to be fussy if you have an endless supply of singles you can pick. But if you rule everyone out on a narrow criteria you are pricing yourself out of the market.
Finally I would like to say that you are only really able to judge a person when you meet them face to face. What is the harm of catching up and seeing how it goes?
Now why is it so important to meet face to face? Because that is how we form a true opinion of a person. Did you know that only 7% of how we communicate is based on what you say the rest comes from your tone and body language? To judge a person you need to meet face to face where you can see the body language, how they react to eye contact, how they interact and you get the chance to listen to your gut feelings.
So why not give someone a chance – you never know you might actually meet the one!