I meet many singles who are unhappy with their lives and don’t know how to change.

Life is short and no-one wants to be stuck being unhappy.

I want to let you know that it is possible to change.

In fact, it is possible to live the life you have always imagined!

How?

Buy changing the way you think.

The problem is many people believe it is NOT possible to change. They tell me that this is the way they are and that is all there is to it.

The problem with this way of thinking is, ‘if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got’.

It is a myth that change is not possible! Change is possible!

I want to tell you a story about how they train baby elephants!

To train a baby elephant, their handler starts by chaining their hind legs to a tree. The baby elephant tries to move but can’t. Over time the baby elephant stops trying to move and the trainer decreases the size of the chain to a string. The baby is no longer trapped by string but by the belief that they can’t escape. The belief is based on the fact that in the past he has tried and failed. The belief came from a time when the elephant was too small to move. Now the elephant is an adult and is strong enough to move, he doesn’t even try to, because he doesn’t believe he can.

What the elephant believes is not true!

We can be just like the elephant, stuck in beliefs that are no longer true.

Your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy. It can help you achieve all you want or can mercilessly criticise every move you make and sabotage everything including your relationships.

It can hold you back just like the belief holds the elephant back.

Not every thought you have is true or still works for you.

I want to tell you it is possible to change and share with you seven practical tips.

7 Steps to Change

1. Be aware of your thought patterns –Awareness is the greatest agent for change. Eckhart Tole.  Our brain does many things without conscious thought. You learn a skill and once you have master it you do it automatically. Think of being potty trained or learning to tie your shoe laces, they were hard skills to learn but now you don’t give them a second thought. This is true for so many of our thoughts. To create change you need to first be aware of the thoughts that you have.
2. Challenge your thinking -Just because you believe something doesn’t mean it is true. A belief is your view of the world. It is a generalisation or rules you make about life and your experience of it. Did you know that if something happens to you three times in a row, your unconscious mind will label it as a pattern and will believe that it is true? We also form beliefs as we grow up from our parents and role models, we adopt their views and stereotypes. With your beliefs you need to examine them to see if they are really what you think or if they are just inherited from your past and those around you? Distance yourself from your thoughts and beliefs so you can look at them objectively from all angles. Drop your normal story lines and try on a different point of view. Control your mind instead of having your mind control you.
3. Look at the Root – It is important to look at the core belief not just the surface belief. For example, you have the belief that you are a terrible public speaker and hate doing it. You can try to change the belief without much luck as you need to get to the core belief. In this case you can look deeper and find that your core/root belief is really you don’t think you are good enough. To create lasting change, you will need to change that core belief first otherwise you will be unsuccessful changing the surface belief. Just like a weed, you need to remove the roots to stop it growing back.
4. Decide -After examining your thoughts you need to consciously decide what you want to believe, how you want to behave and who you want to be. Deciding isn’t a one-off thing, you will have to make continuous choices.Choose your thoughts as carefully as you choose what you are going to wear each day. The greatest empowerment comes from consciously changing what you think and believe to be true.
5. Identity what is keeping you stuck – You may not like a belief you have but there can often be a benefit you are getting from the belief. For example, if you belief that you aren’t good enough, you could enjoy the sympathy you get from people because of it. Or thinking that you are not good enough takes away your responsibility to do anything about it. Sometimes the benefit you are getting keeps you stuck. To change you have to want to change, otherwise you never will. I love the analogy of a table, the table top is the belief, the legs are the past experiences and evidence for the belief and the superglue holding it all together is your emotions that keep you stuck. What you want to do is loosen that superglue and you can do that with changing your thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings and actions – so by changing that thought you change your emotions loosening the superglue and everything that holds that belief in place!
6. Reframe your thoughts –To completely knock down the legs of our tables it is time to come up with another explanation that has new evidence. With the thought that you are not good enough come up with an alternative way of thinking such as all the things you know are true that you do well. Too often people work with affirmations that are too much of a stretch for their brain to believe, like I am awesome. You will need to come up with examples that your brain can believe, like you are great at your job, a good listener, a caring friend, a good mother, etc. There will be plenty of examples that you can use. Reframe the thought that you aren’t good enough with saying I am good at listening and great at my job. For every non-productive thought reframe it with an alternative explanation, find new ways of looking at things. Your brain will then work as a scientist looking for new proof that backs up this new way of thinking, more proof will flow and snowball so you end up sitting in an entirely different reality.  You will eventually believe you are good enough, even awesome!
7. Meditate -This helps you detach from your thoughts and feeling to observe them. Meditation changes the brain so you are calmer.

Deb x