Is the Rejection Mindset Affecting You?

By 28 January, 2021 Uncategorized

Have you got the rejection mindset?

Ok, no-one likes rejection, in fact, there has been research that shows it can have the same effects as physical pain!

In the modern dating world, online dating will give you more singles in one location than anywhere else. It gives the impression that you have endless options, yet it can be the place where you will face rejection without even having to leave your living room.

The real paradox of dating in 2021 is that dating apps give you more opportunities yet you are more likely to stay single. Crazy, right!

The biggest problem is most singles are over selective online.

A study called ‘A Rejection Mind-Set: Choice Overload in Online Dating’ has found the reason why so many single become more ‘picky’ on apps.

It’s called the rejection mindset.

Singles start off optimistic and excited yet the research found that changes almost immediately.

Across three studies, the researchers found singles immediately started to reject more people when dating online, Resulting in an average decrease of 27%. Meaning the chance of choosing someone from the first swipe to the last decreased by 27%.

What happened was the singles had a drop in satisfaction with photos and whether they would be successful.

The studies found that the rejection mindset was worse in women, who are already less likely to accept matches in the first place.

Singles gradually “close off” from potential opportunities when online dating.

Endless streams of options increase dissatisfaction and hopelessness about finding a partner, which leads to rejecting others.


To save themselves the pain of being rejected, people will reject others first.

No wonder online dating is so hard!

In a nutshell, the research shows that having supposed endless options is affecting how open you are to actually meeting someone!

How to Overcome the Rejection Mindset

Ok, so we have identified the rejection mindset and you can see one of the real reasons why online dating and apps don’t always work. Which should make you feel a little better.

But let’s not get stuck in the problem. Let’s look at how you can hack online dating and make it work for you!

  1. Awareness
    Awareness is always the first step to being able to change something.
  2. Endless Options
    Ok, apps and online dating give the impression that there will always be another person but that isn’t the reality. Just because you have access to people online, doesn’t mean everyone is a possibility. This may sound depressing, yet the next point will answer that.
  3. Online Apps/Dating is a Tool
    Use online dating as a tool and a funnel. Don’t rush through madly saying no to everyone. Take the time to consider the profile rather than just saying no. In fact, widen your choices.Look at saying yes like a funnel (businesses use this principle all the time). If  you think of a standard funnel it is wide at the top and narrow at the bottom. You need to accept/allow more people into the top of your funnel. You say yes to more people at the beginning, then use a process to qualify them. I recommend a series of great messages that work, then a phone call and if that goes well you can either use a video date or a real-life date. Ladies, this especially applies to you!

    This allows you to get to know someone without wasting weeks chatting online. If you enjoy chatting to them move to the next steps. Most people have a narrow top of the funnel and it simply doesn’t work. Don’t be most people!

Don’t Give Up

I have worked with countless singles who have found success on and offline and I know that you can too!

If you want to increase your success rate on or offline, why not book in a free discovery call?  To book in, just click here!

Believe it or not, dating coaching can make a real difference.


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