Scarcity: Simple Tips to Avoid the Scarcity Trap

By May 7, 2019 Blog, Dating Tips

Ever wondered about scarcity when it comes to dating and how to avoid the Scarcity Trap?

Or maybe you’re not even sure what a Scarcity Trap is?

It is:

The Scarcity Trap is when you think finding someone you want to date is a rare thing, so when you do meet someone you like, you do anything to keep them.

This includes:

  • Not being treated how you want to be treated in a relationship.
  • Putting up with bad behaviour.
  • Not feeling good around the person all of the time. Maybe they make you feel good when they are with you but not when you don’t see them.
  • Over giving to the person.
  • Not getting what you want from the relationship. This could range from not spending enough time together to not having your emotional needs met.

It can be easy to feel you have great chemistry and that things will get better, you know, believing  they will  become the person you want  them to be.

This rarely works!

Why, because if you don’t value yourself, why should they.

Your actions show others how they can treat you and what you will accept. It shows that you will  accept being treated however they want to treat you.

The end result is you come across as desperate!

I know that being single nowadays can seem tough, especially when you are ready for that special someone.

How to Avoid the Scarcity Trap

To get the relationship you want it is important to have the right mindset as well as having high standards about the right things!

Many singles say they have high standards but they tend to have high standards about all the wrong things. They get caught up in the superficial stuff that doesn’t matter in the long run. They seem to value how the person looks or how much money they earn rather than how they feel when they are around the person.

It is time to start having high standards about the right things as well as coming from the right mindset!

When you are stuck in the Scarcity Trap it will cause you to either not notice wonderful singles  or act desperate when you see people who fit what you are looking for.

Anytime you meet someone you like you will get stuck in the thinking – ‘Will they like me?’,  ‘Am I going to miss out on another person?’,  ‘I hope they date me?’  ‘Hope they like me? ‘ But will they, will they……. The energy that brings when you meet other singles is  desperate. It also leads you to putting up with so much less than what you deserve, even allowing you to only accept crumbs rather a proper relationship.

You will always be coming from a space of trying to impress the other person, rather than knowing your own worth.

When you have this mentality, it ends up being your reality.

Instead of getting what you want, you will end up putting singles off  or simply accepting crap treatment. The thing about desperation is, it drives people away. With the scarcity mindset you will take an opportunity when you feel chemistry, even when someone is totally incompatible with you.

This simply leads bad relationships, lowers your confidence in your ability to have a good relationship, lowers your self-worth and in the long run makes you less dateable.

The answer is to replace the Scarcity Mindset with the Abundance Mindset!

The Abundance Mindset is totally the opposite!

The dictionary meaning of abundance is literally:  a very large quantity of something.

With the abundance mindset you believe there are more than enough amazing singles to go around and who want to date you.

It you think that sounds too far fetched, I want to let you know it isn’t.

In fact, it comes down to a simple  Maths equation!

Oh, and don’t worry you don’t have to be good at Maths to get this.

The reality is there are approximately 7.6 billion people on the planet and imagine if only one percent wanted to date you and are what you are looking for!

That is 76 000 000!

You only need one! It is time to realise that you have so many opportunities for dating, love and romance and there is no lack at all!!

When you come from this new mindset you will start to behave differently and the results you get with the people you like will change.

An abundance mindset means you don’t go into every single conversation with every attractive person thinking “I hope they date me?

You will be able to relax rather than twist yourself out of shape to be what someone else wants you to be. You don’t have to try to impress people and  you are okay with who you are and it shows. Having that type of authenticity and confidence in yourself makes you attractive.

You feel confident in saying “no” to opportunities for love and sex if you don’t think you’re compatible instead of basing your decision on chemistry.  

That means you make better choices and exercise better relationship skills, which also makes you a lot more attractive.

Singles will start to see you as high value and as someone they want to date.

Debbie xxoxx