Dating and texting go hand in hand, whether you like it or not! Texting is a great way to keep in touch, but can easily be taken the wrong way. It is easy to be misunderstood in any form of communication, let alone texting! When we first meet another single person it is easy to send the wrong signals via a text message and give the wrong impression. Texting in the early days can make or break a relationship.
To illustrate the point, let’s look at a couple of texting scenarios and try and imagine how you would feel:
SCENARIO 1
You meet a guy at a social event. You aren’t really sure if you like him or not but he was good conversation and he seemed interesting. So you exchange phone numbers. He contacts you the next day and there are a number of texts back and forth trying to arrange a meeting. These leave you feeling a little frustrated as you weren’t sure if you were keen in the first place. You finally settle on a day and time, then you text back and forth. Here is the conversation:
Him: You are really intelligent and beautiful, I am so lucky you have agreed to go on a date with me.
You: Thank you
Him: I am so excited to catch up with you.
You: (Not sure how to respond as you are not sure you are excited at all) so you reply with a
Him: Aren’t you excited to catch up?
You: You don’t respond to this text because you honestly don’t know what to say and feel he is a little over the top!
Him: You are so funny and beautiful, I can’t wait to see you. It’s not every day I meet someone like you.
SCENARIO 2
You have decided to give online dating a try and have been contacted by a person. You arrange a date and meet up. At the end of the date they ask you if you would like to catch up again. You decide it is worth having a 2nd date – they don’t exactly blow your hair back, but you feel they are worth seeing again because you can’t always tell can you?
You are driving home, when you get a text message, ‘Great to meet you, I really enjoyed tonight and can’t wait to see you again.’ You can’t respond as you are driving and you already told your date it would take you 30 minutes to get home. Before you are even home you get another text saying, ‘Is everything okay?’ This instantly puts you off as they just seem a little too needy and you feel like they are putting a little too much pressure on you.
SCENARIO 3
A guy and girl have gone on a couple of dates.
Girl: Thanks for a great date, I really enjoyed the restaurant you picked. I can’t wait to see you again.
Guy: You’re welcome.
Girl: What are you doing on Friday night, there is this cool band playing and I wondered if you would like to go?
Guy: Sorry I already have plans and I am fairly busy in the next couple of weeks.
Girl: Oh that is a shame, how about the beach next weekend?
Guy: No I am busy as I have already said.
Girl: I just watched the new Transformers movie it was really good, have you seen it?
Girl: Want to see the new Planet of the Apes movie next week?
Girl: How are you?
Girl: I thought we got on really well, why don’t you want to see me and why don’t you answer me back.
When you read these 3 scenarios what is your reaction, do you cringe? In the early days of dating it is all too easy to come across as too keen. You like the person and want to show them, but you really do need to be conscious of how it comes across. In these scenarios the one person came across as too needy and stopped any chance of developing any sort of relationship with the person they liked.
Now you might cringe when you read these scenarios, but we have all been guilty at one time or another of similar actions. It is important to be aware of how you act and come across as you don’t want to come across as being needy, controlling or desperate. People pick up on desperation and avoid it like the plague – so avoid sending out this type of message through your text messages.
The funny thing about people is they avoid desperate people but value confident people. Remember the more rare things are, the more difficult they are to obtain, the more people think they are worth having. This is as true in relationships as any other areas of our life’s.
Putting too many expectations on people creates pressure and makes people feel uncomfortable – it can make people feel smothered and rushed. No-one likes to feel any of these emotions; people like to date someone who they feel good being around and who they have fun with.
So remember:
- Only send one text for every text you receive.
- Don’t send messages like ‘you are so beautiful’ ‘why are you going out with me?’ or ‘I am lucky you are going out with me’. This makes you sound desperate. If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else?
- Asking someone if they are excited to see you puts a person in an uncomfortable position and reeks of attention seeking and insecurity.
- Give the person time to answer.
- If texting is the only form of communication you have to wonder if they are really into you.
- Writing long text messages and only receiving one word replies is a warning sign that they are not into texting. Take it on board.
- Even simple short text messages can be easily misinterpreted. What you think is funny might just be confusing.
- Girls – if a guy is really interested, he will contact you.
- Don’t overanalyse the text message or how long it took to get a reply.
- If you have something important to say, do it face to face. Do not do it by text message – EVER!
Debbie Rivers
