Did you know that research has proven that shared values are important and allow you to create a lasting relationship. Essentially it allows you to create the relationship of your dreams.
All too often people base their choice on chemistry ! This can have disastrous results – as you can have insane chemistry with someone you don’t even like!
This happens because chemistry is known to shut down the part of your brain related to judgement. That’s where the common cliché ‘love is blind’ comes from!
To create the relationship of your dreams it is important to realise that as important as chemistry is, it is only one factor in making the right choose in a partner!
To have the relationship you have always imagined it is important to have three components:
- Chemistry
- Shared Values
- Good communication
Values are important, therefore it is important to look at what you value and be clear about what matters to you.
Creating the love/relationship you have always imagined doesn’t happen by chance. It is not done by writing a list of physical attributes you are looking for in a partner. Many singles base their choice on set criteria such as physical characteristics, the person’s status, education or how much money they make. But it is more important to make your choice based on how someone makes you FEEL. Have you ever noticed how the good-looking person becomes less good looking as you get to know them? Whereas, the person who isn’t as good looking person can become much more attractive over time.
So let’s work out what your values are! You can’t create the relationship of your dreams without being clear about what you value.
Your values are the things that are the most important to you. They (generally) decide what your priorities are and they’re generally what you use to work out if your life is turning out the way you want it to. A value expresses the importance/worth of something, and they are like categories for all your preferences in life.
Your values are operating in the background of your life and are not something you always consciously think about.
It can be all too easy to not give your values much thought. People often stick with values they grew up with – the ones that came from their parents. Therefore, it is important to look at whether they still feel right for you. When you are clear about what your values you are, then you are able to match your actions to your values and create the life/love you have always imagined.
Here is an exercise for you to identify your values – they may surprise you!
- From the list circle or write down every core value that is true for you, don’t overthink your choices. As you read through the list, circle/write down the words that feel right. If you think of a value you have that isn’t on the list, include it.
| Abundance
Acceptance Accountability Achievement Advancement Adventure Advocacy Ambition Appreciation Attractiveness Autonomy Balance Being the Best Benevolence Boldness Brilliance Calmness Caring Challenge Charity Cheerfulness Cleverness Community Commitment Compassion Cooperation Collaboration Consistency Contribution Creativity Credibility Curiosity |
Daring
Decisiveness Dedication Dependability Diversity Empathy Encouragement Enthusiasm Ethics Excellence Expressiveness Fairness Family Friendships Flexibility Freedom Fun Generosity Grace Gratitude Growth Flexibility Happiness Health Honesty Humility Humor Inclusiveness Independence Individuality Innovation
|
Inspiration
Intelligence Intuition Joy Kindness Knowledge Leadership Learning Love Loyalty Making a Difference Mindfulness Motivation Optimism Open-Mindedness Originality Passion Performance Personal Development Proactive Professionalism Recognition Risk Taking Safety Security Service Spirituality Stability Peace Perfection Playfulness Popularity |
Power
Preparedness Proactivity Professionalism Punctuality Recognition Relationships Reliability Resilience Resourcefulness Responsibility Responsiveness Security Self-Control Selflessness Simplicity Stability Success Teamwork Thankfulness Thoughtfulness Traditionalism Trustworthiness Understanding Uniqueness Usefulness Versatility Vision Warmth Wealth Well-Being Wisdom Zeal |
Group all similar values together from the list of values you just created. Group them in a way that makes sense to you. Create a maximum of five groups. If you have more than five groupings, drop those least important. See the example below.
| Abundance
Growth Wealth Security Freedom Independence Flexibility Peace |
Acceptance Compassion Inclusiveness Intuition
Kindness Love Making a Difference Open-Mindedness Trustworthiness Relationships |
Appreciation Encouragement Thankfulness Thoughtfulness Mindfulness
Gratitude |
Balance
Health Spirituality Well-being |
Cheerfulness
Fun Happiness Humour Inspiration Joy Optimism Playfulness |
Choose one word within each group that stands out the most. Again, do not overthink your choice. There are no right or wrong answers. You are finding the answer that is right for you. See the example below –
| Abundance
Growth Wealth Security Freedom Independence Flexibility Peace |
Acceptance Compassion Inclusiveness Intuition
Kindness Love Making a Difference Open-Mindedness Trustworthiness Relationship |
Appreciation Encouragement Thankfulness Thoughtfulness Mindfulness
Gratitude |
Balance
Health Spirituality Well-being |
Cheerfulness
Fun Happiness Humour Inspiration Joy Optimism Playfulness |
In this case the top 5 Values are:
Freedom, Making a Difference, Gratitude, Well-being, and Fun
When you are clear and conscious of what your values are it allows you to direct your unconscious mind to make them happen.
Now take the time to look at the values and qualities you are looking for in a relationship. Your list of ‘values’ are personal and are based on what you are looking for. Some examples of ‘values’ include, trust, respect, unconditional love, fun, freedom, passion, etc.
Your list of ‘qualities’ (these are quite similar) are also unique for each person, some examples of qualities are: kindness, intelligence, humour, openness, etc.
Take the time to write 2 lists; one for the values and one for the qualities that you are looking for. Write as many as you can based on how you want to FEEL in your relationships.
Now you are clear on what is important to you, to what you value and you are able to create the relationship you have always imagined!
Debbie xxoxx
