The Trouble with Online Dating, it’s Just Too Easy – Guest Blog

By 6 August, 2016 Advice for Men, Blog
Internet dating hacks Men

In the real world the hardest part about dating is working out who is available, who’s interested in you and who isn’t. This for the most part is achieved by catching someone’s eye, holding it and judging their reaction… if they hold it for a second before turning away, sometimes smiling… chances are they are interested. Alternatively, if you’re super confident and you should be, you can simply walk over and start a conversation… Wow, was that an intake of breath, you mean I actually have to man up and take the initiative.

I understand that asking some men to approach a woman they don’t know is often like asking someone to flap their arms and fly, imagine doing that while jumping off a cliff … that’s the look of horror on some men’s faces when faced with this proposition. This is where the Internet comes in, the Internet has made dating easy, so easy that you cannot help but succeed.

Now to men and women the idea of online dating is different … and you need to understand first of all where women are coming from. Women generally use online dating to search for and to try and find someone they can have a relationship with. They might be searching for someone different from their norm, whatever it’s irrelevant… to women a completed and interesting profile will answer these questions.

  1. Is this person single and available?
  2. Does this person have children?
  3. Is this person someone I can perhaps get along with?
  4. Could I picture myself meeting this person in the profile picture?

Men on the other hand are a lot easier to please online, I rarely read profiles unless they have also expressed an interest in me. To me and those men I’ve spoken with, it often comes down to the profile picture and would I or wouldn’t I, sleep with that? Swipe left, swipe right or on the rare occasion swipe upwards.

So for all the men reading this, get up… get some great photos and create the best profile you can, which answers those questions… try to make it interesting and not as boring as most are. Once you’ve done that, the fun starts. Depending on your online dating platform of choice, send kisses, swipe left or right… but search and kiss all of those ladies you find attractive and would like to catch up with.

Once you’ve expressed an interest with someone, move on and forget them… do this often enough and eventually you’ll have a whole host of people that know you like them. Some of these people will ignore you, that’s their loss not yours. Some will view your profile and indicate that they aren’t interested… that’s life and it’s better to know from the onset. But a few will return your kiss and show an interest in you. That’s when the real fun starts and sadly this is where most men fail miserably.

Once someone has expressed an interest in you, go and read their profile, review their pictures and try and read between the lines… armed with this information start a conversation with them. Now the idea is that you want to be memorable and to stand out from a crowd, you want to show that you’ve read a profile and that you’re genuinely showing an interest in them.

Let me share with you a conversation starter I used recently…

“Hello… it’s really nice to meet you.

Awesome… isn’t it, meeting someone new… and not knowing the possibilities

I’m Steve and I’m a … sorry couldn’t resist….

I’m basically pretty normal, I work, I play golf, I like to go out, love the movies, catch the odd show, watch the odd band… like to eat out and I drink the odd glass on occasion … I don’t do drugs, don’t smoke, never been arrested, have lived in various countries… I like people, try new things at least once… all your normal stuff I guess, depending on your definition of normal.

That’s all the usual boring stuff out of the way … so tell me about xxxxx, a new puppy … how exciting.”

As you can see, nothing fancy and certainly nothing frightening in that… the crux is this, I’ve attempted a little humour, I’ve demonstrated I’m pretty normal and I’ve shown an interest in them, in this instance the new puppy they have.

It’s then just a matter of having a conversation via the online dating messaging system. If you don’t know how to have a conversation, relax and ask questions … most people like to talk about themselves and by asking questions you can come across as really interesting even though almost all of the conversation will have come from the other party.

Now I’m not one for lots of long messages, going back and forth over weeks… my aim with dating isn’t to become a friend… no one wants to be that nice guy that’s just a friend so don’t be him. In my case I will start a conversation and progress it along, back and forth until I think there is enough rapport or an opening to suggest that we meet up, or have a telephone conversation. My aim being to get things into the real world as soon as possible, because that’s when it becomes a reality before this, it’s just dots on a screen (fantasy). This might take a day or maybe a week, but anything beyond a week or two and I’m thinking do I really want to meet this person. Yes, I’m not one for messages… they are great for initial contact but not for much else… especially as they are so often open to interpretation.

It’s easy to message, so have a conversation and show an interest and always read between the lines, it’s often what isn’t said that is just as important. While having this particular conversation, I found out that the lady hadn’t been dating in a while, found the whole prospect of online dating … extremely daunting and that she was likely going to close her account down in the next few days.

I suggested we meet for a drink, I like to use the word drink then they can interpret it as either a coffee or a glass of something stronger … my point being it should be the lady that decides, I also like to get them to select the initial meeting place… suggesting it needs to be somewhere public.

Let me share with you the another excerpt of this conversation, the close in this case.

“Now would you like to have a telephone conversation tomorrow evening and then if that goes well… we can arrange to catch up… that’s perhaps the safest way to do things…

Or we can just catch up…”

As you can see, I’m addressing any concerns she might have before they come up… and in this instance we exchanged numbers and arranged to meet for a coffee.

That’s basically how easy it is to get a date online, from sending someone a kiss to arranging to go on a date in one evening… it’s not rocket science, it’s as easy as.

The problem I find is that most people either come across as desperate, boring or just don’t take the opportunities to close and secure that date or telephone conversation. In another article perhaps I’ll share with you some of my first date tips that have helped me get as many second dates as I like … until then, perhaps you can leave a few comments below.

Blog written by Steve Cartwright

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