‘Cobwebbing’ is the latest dating trend that you need to embrace.
Dating has its own language- think ghosting, breadcrumbing, negging, benching, and phubbing!
Dating can feel like a minefield full of toxic behaviours where it is hard to find a green flag.
The good news is that Bumble has identified a new dating trend – cobwebbing. Thankfully, cobwebbing is a positive trend.
Definition of a Cobweb – a spider’s web, especially when old and dusty.
Spiders’ webs are a dangerous trap! And a cobweb is an old and dusty spider’s web.
Therefore, cobwebbing is clearing and getting rid of the cobwebs! When it comes to dating it is about those old flames and past relationships that you hang onto. Or those ones you can’t let go of because they hurt you. They continue to trap you from moving on, even though you know that they are toxic for you.
Cobwebbing is sweeping out and cleaning up those cobwebs so you can let in a new and hopefully, healthy relationship.
You can only move forward when you let go of the past.
I am sure you have been through the breakup stage where everything reminds you of that person. You know the song that comes on the radio, the gifts they gave you, the places you went and the jokes you used to share.
Cobwebbing is about consciously cleaning out your environment of the past. Allowing you to feel free, empowered and open to meeting someone new.
It may mean deleting that number and those messages you have been hanging onto. You might even need to get rid of everything that reminds you that love didn’t work out for you. If you can’t bring yourself to throw out their t-shirt or the gift they gave you that makes you feel sad, box them up where you can no longer see them.
It takes time to get over someone and I recommend allowing yourself that time. However, grieve but don’t stay stuck. The reality is the longer you say trapped in the headspace of a relationship that has ended – that spiderweb – the harder it is to break free and move on.
Cobwebbing – How to Do it!
1. The first Step in Cobwebbing is -Grieve & Feel Your Feelings
You gave your time, energy and love to your ex so you need to take the time to grieve that loss. Grieve the relationship and what could have been. You might want to skip this step, but it just makes the breakup take longer to get over. I can’t stress the importance of feeling your feelings and crying, getting angry and feeling sad as they are a great way to process those feelings. Allow yourself a period of time to get over the breakup. You may want to read – 11 Tips to Get Over A Breakup.
2. Get Rid of Reminders
Get rid of all those painful reminders of a relationship that didn’t work out when you wanted it to. If you can’t give them away, box them up until you have lost the emotional attachment.
3. Don’t be Friends
It may sound cool to be friends with your ex; however, you will only move on when you have a clean break. Being friends prolongs the pain and gives you a continual reminder of what you don’t have.
4. Learn the Lessons
Take the time to learn the lessons that the relationship taught you so you don’t repeat the same mistakes in the future.
5. Be Clear about What you Want
Move beyond being stuck in the web and visualise what comes next. Be open to possibility and not be stuck in the scarcity trap. Take this time to think about how you want to feel in your next relationship. Be clear about the values and the type of relationship you want. It is empowering and will fill you with hope.
6. Stick with the Decision
It is easy to start to think about what could have been or what should have been. Or even consider going back to what felt comfortable even though you know it wasn’t good for you. All that does is get you stuck in the spider’s web all over again. Don’t! Stick with your decision then you will finally get out of that toxic relationship and let in a healthy relationship.
Breakups and letting go of past relationships can be easier said than done. If you are struggling, that is where a Dating/relationship coach can help. Simply call or email for a free discovery call.